Playspace Etiquette - Wanking, Masturbating, & Self-Pleasuring...
Saturday May 9, 2015
We received an email that we covered partially in This month's episode of BSing but we wanted to write more about it... So here it is!
Touching ourselves for pleasure is something we all know at least a little about. So why three names for the same thing? We feel like there is a big distinction between the three. While they all can indicate essentially the same physical behavior - personally, energetically, perceptually, and observationally, there is a huge difference. What are those differences?
The terms “wanker” or “wanking” tend to have a more negative connotation particularly in British Slang – and when defining the term for something done in a playspace or dungeon, we tend to hang on to that negative interpretation. For us, we tend to look at “wanking” as something that is intrusive, invasive and is between marginally and completely non-consensual.
Why do we say that? We refer to wanking as an activity with a non-consensual external focus or focal source. For instance, in any given playspace, there are lots and lots of sexy people doing their thing. When another person who is not part of the original negotiation, and/or without an invitation, touches themselves while focusing their intent and energy on the persons who are playing? It is at the very least an energetic intrusion.
If said wanker is within the immediate energetic/physical bubble of the scene? Without consent, that is an invasion of their
space. And from the AIS POV it breaks two rules -
Now… with “wanking” in hand (LOL), let’s chat a bit about Masturbation and Self-Pleasuring. The majority of sexually active peeps give themselves pleasure at one time or another… and some twice a day or more! Touching ourselves is one of the greatest things that came with the gifts of self-awareness and opposable thumbs… After all, you have to plug in, turn on and hold the Hitachi in that “just right spot”
We look at masturbation as a natural, simple, non-intrusive act. The hand (or other implement) touches the genitals and/or erogenous zones in varying degrees to create stimulation. We use our imagination to increase our intellectual stimulation when masturbating, said fantasy is non-intrusive… meaning, our focal point is on something or someone who can't be intruded upon; i.e. focus is on a fantasy – a historic act, a visualized self-created daydream, a porn, some form of written story, a magazine… heck, for some of us it was the national geographic!
Masturbation doesn't have to be a solo act, either… We know of (and have been part of) several really fun mutual self-stimulating scenes – and even a circle jerk or three…lol. One of our enjoyable games is the “race to self-orgasm” where we consensually use each others' building energy to increase our own until one or both of us climax. Is this acceptable in an open playspace? Of course!
And then, there is Self-pleasuring. This can range from short self-scening to long, drawn out acts of self-seduction. This can be a fantastic gift to the ego. It is the appreciation, the loving of one's self and subsequent making love to ourselves. We have even seen classes on both SM and Sexual self-scening.
Regardless of how Self-Pleasuring is manifested, the focus is internal. The energy is brought to bear on our sexual centers. To get a little woo – it's all about building and expanding the first chakra. It's an appreciation of our own sexuality and the exploration thereof. And what an amazing discovery that can be… Creating and maintaining this energy in private, in a scene, or in a playspace is wonderful… and is a joy to watch, or be a part of.
The majority of people enjoy the exhibitionism and voyeurism of attending events… after all, that's why they play in public. Otherwise they would just stay home. So if you see something really amazing and sexy, that you really would love to wank to? Put it in your “Spank Bank” and break it out when you are home masturbating. Because even in an open sexual space, there are rules and etiquette. The main ones are things we learned in kindergarten: Be respectful of other people's space and Don't be rude. So let's all keep a fun, safe and welcoming space!
Barak & Sheba
©2015 Barak & Brat Sheba