UnCoiling Time....
Nov-ish, 2015
Over the past couple weeks, I have been experiencing a bit of Overwhelm (yes, with a capital “O” – and not the good kind) There has been so much happening in my life that is “so important” that it demands immediate attention. Not that this is unusual, I normally run on WFO (Wide Fucking Open). But sometimes, the bandwidth is narrower than the flow.
When I get this way, I feel like I am the small triangular craft at the center of Asteroids. Large and Small complex tasks heading from all directions at me… This thing from Wicked, that thing from the Space, another Nursing crisis, Teaching this week, Seasons Beatings the next… All traveling headlong towards me.
In the center of that spastic circle, time accelerates; twisting, turning in on itself so that everything seems to be happening at once. Everything at the same time, and nothing can be completed - Pieces of this, fragments of that. And I am striving, desperately, working so hard to just get back to zero.
I react by trying to work harder to make everything fit. I list and allocate; I triage and designate; I observe and prioritize. Does it help? Not in the slightest… If anything it makes it more monumental. All in an effort to try and fit everything into some semblance of order from the chaos.
This morning, I awoke, before the sun, and did my best to squeeze in a little prior to teaching at the hospital today. But as luck would have it, the powerpoint I had designed wasn’t readily available. I had to go to my backup, then format another thumb drive – as the initial one wasn’t compatible – Oh… isn’t it the way! I called in to do the final check of the classroom – and it didn’t have the right computer, so I had to bring mine – will it drive the projector? Should I bring ours? So much!
“There aren’t enough hours in the day.” There isn’t enough time, with all my lists, tasks and stuff that keeps twisting and coiling time. Rushing through the scalding shower, then bouncing about the house to find clothes, I place my dejected cup of coffee in the microwave to rejuvenate it. Once I pulled my shirt back on the right way… I ran out the door to my car and rapidly backed out of our drive. Car in gear, and 45 min to my class… I sigh.
And there it was. It hit, out of nowhere. I do it again. A deep breath. I remember. Another breath… and out. Time hiccups. Again. In. Deep. Out. Slow. Time unravels. I can feel the haze. See it. IN slow… OUT… Slower. Clarity. My training. What comes first? Breath. Then what? Look. Breathe. Feel. Time unravels. The asteroids come at different paces. Not nearly moving fast at all. I hear Sheryn’s voice, “There is time in the universe for everything.” It’s true. But we don’t have to slow everything down, we have to slow ourselves down.
It's chemical, emotional, it clouds. I remember. Breathe. It’s not what is happening. It’s the perception of it. Breathe. Allow perspective. Space, Time and Distance. All relative to breath. I relax. I take it all in. Time Uncoils.
Too many things happening creates that confusion. Breathing helps re-align it. Go back to breath. Breath in - and out. Focus on your breath. Awaken your Chi, that Prana that keeps you centered. That brings you back to you. Everything out there is all coming. The things in life will continue to travel at their own pace and time… and we will go on. Enjoying, breathing, living.
Peace,
Barak & Sheba
p.s. - Note - this is not a cry for help, or an emotional outreach. (not that I don't appreciate the loves, support and certainly won't ask for help when needed!!)
This is me exploring and explaining my humanity and was intended to be a reminder to myself to meditate and breathe.
©2016 Barak & Brat Sheba