The ACE Rope Weekend has Ended, but Look Out for Drop...
Sunday September 9, 2018
While the event is just over... and we are still feeling the "high" of the amazing energy that is/was The Rope Weekend... We want to offer some information, advice, and perhaps even a caution about what might happen as that energy slows then fades. You may have heard of that phenomena - some call it "Drop," or "post-event crash.
One thing that we have experienced over these years, is that the higher the energy of the interaction, the lower/deeper the drop. Whether the energy comes from a party, private D/s dinner, a scene, or just an SM session - when the energy dissipates, a gaping hole can develop. As this vacuum is noticed, or not, it can influence our thinking, acting, or perception. What we mean is that on the day (or days) after an energetic and connective event, our vanilla filters may be impaired and can lead to a number of reactions.
One way people handle it is to try and "chase the high." You go looking on Fet, CollarMe, or putting ads into Craig's list - to continue to flirt, play, and maintain that "juice." Unfortunately, this can sometimes lead to poor choices. Taking chances that we wouldn't take if we were thinking "rationally." This way, you don't have to experience drop - at least until the inevitable consequences catch up.
It may also lead to neglecting or influencing our vanilla lives and responsibilities... Spending too much time immersed in the kink world. Seeking out play, or at least that energy... can lead to forgetting things, like - rent, credit card payments, professional engagements, meetings, or other obligations.
Sometimes our desire to reconnect with that kink flow causes the perceived insertion of kinky info into our vanilla conversations. It can be as subtle as misinterpreting what is said - for example - You - "Did you say, "You want to beat my ass?" Them, "NO! I said "Do you want to meet for class!!" And can get as bad as the dropping of your normal filters. Your boss calls you into their office and says, "For the past couple of days, I have noticed you are distracted. If there a problem?" You - "No, not really. But I was rigging this bottom up last week, and was fisting them.. and now they won't answer my emails. Do you think I should have used more lube?"
Even something small, like a remark, or meaningless gesture, can be blown way out of proportion. There can be feelings of ambivalence, considerations like, "am I ok?" or even feelings of guilt, "gee, I am such a slut." Any number of doubts about what it is that we do or enjoy doing, can appear. Even after all these years of the energetic ebb and flow of events, meetings and play, we both get "drop."
It's always good idea to self monitor a little closer and/or have a kinky/kink friendly sounding board. This way, you can check yourself prior to flying off for a month or two to Hedonism, buying a new car, or having your entire house refurnished with AIS Kink Labs furniture.
Here is frequently what happens to me and how I handle it. Because sure as the sun will rise, I get Drop. For me, Drop is this emotional roller coaster. Little things that normally would be not even been given a second thought, are creating huge reactions. For instance, when I pulled her close during the movie... I didn't want to let Sheba go... ever. I needed more contact.
Anyway, aside from the self-conditioning of "I know it's drop, so shut up," which does work - I also plan for other things that assist in reversing drop. One thing is pre-planning - On the night of the party, or event, I tell those who I am playing with to contact me the next day or day after. I do this to "download and go-over" our scene. As we do this, it reconnects our energy, and also solidifies our "ok-ness" with what we did together.
Talking it out gives us both a chance to revitalize our feelings, and give each other feedback about the scene. It eases the possible self-doubt on both parties. Another thing I do, is plan more energy. I look at the group, I make posts to review the party, and to rekindle the wonderful energy I had. I call friends in the scene to just hash things out and see how they are. I plan out scenes for later, or play privately, so I can have more power exchange.
Another great way is to join friends, at some social gathering, munch or perhaps join us for the Meet N Greet this coming friday... It gets ya looking forward to seeing people, and moving your mindset forward, out of the dumps.
Finally, I do have the benefit of Sheba to share with, and restore some equilibrium. When we notice each other in the grips of Drop, we have permission to slap or punches each other, then say, "get over it, fucker!" and run away! It really is a cold splash of reality. So if you are feeling waves of sadness, doubt, loss of motivation, excessive guilt or negative feelings, know that this is totally normal.
Just a day or five, and it will be over Conversely, if you are experiencing bottom or Top High - the reverse of this, know that will drop off too - and be ready for it. Hopefully this has at least made you laugh, and if not, at least given you some insight into what Top or sub drop can look like. Either way, in my opinion the Drop is well worth the Energy High.
See ya soon,
Peace,
Barak & Sheba
©2018 Barak & Brat Sheba